Why Comparison Is Keeping You From Making Real Progress — And 3 Tools To Help You Quit Drinking
This is one of the biggest lies we tell ourselves when we try to quit drinking: Other people always get it faster than me.
It can be extremely difficult not to compare ourselves to others when we are in the process of quitting drinking. Maybe you’ve joined some Facebook groups or follow women that have gotten sober on Instagram. And while hearing their stories and shares are helpful, you find yourself comparing everything you are doing against someone else’s journey.
How long has this person been sober? How many slips did they have before they started reaching those first big milestones? What am I doing wrong? How do they make it look so easy? Where are they getting all of this energy from? Why am I exhausted, struggling, finding it hard to stay motivated? What’s wrong with me?
But here’s the thing, comparison will mess with your head every time. Especially when you are trying to learn how to quit drinking.
It’s easy to feel like you’re falling behind.
You see someone post about hitting 60 days alcohol-free and your stomach drops. “Why is she getting it and I’m not?” Suddenly, what felt like a hopeful moment becomes one more reason to beat yourself up.
I remember this exact spiral.
I was part of a Facebook group where women were sharing their wins: 90 days, 6 months, “a whole year sober today!” And there I was, on day 4…again. I wanted to be happy for them, but it mostly made me feel behind. I’d quietly compare, wondering what they knew that I didn’t. Why was it so much harder for me to quit?
Now I know better. Progress doesn’t show up the same way for everyone. And honestly, some of the biggest wins happen when no one’s watching. The moment you pause and ask yourself why you’re reaching for a drink? That’s progress. The time you open your journal instead of uncorking the bottle? That matters. The fact that you’re even thinking about this, again and again, means your awareness is growing, and with it, your capacity to change.
Here’s what I say to clients all the time: Only compare yourself to a previous version of yourself. Because that’s where the truth lives. Are you more aware today than you were a month ago? Are you getting clearer on what you actually need, beyond the wine? Are you starting to hear a voice in you that wants something more? That’s forward motion. That’s what builds lasting change.
I know, easier said than done, right? Well, you know I’ve got some tools for you to start practicing.
Here are 3 Tools To Stop Comparing And Start Making Progress
1. Do A Weekly Then Vs. Now Check-In
Set a 5-minute timer and reflect on these three prompts:
What was I believing about alcohol/me a month ago and what do I believe about alcohol/me now?
How do I respond to hard days now vs. before?
What would my past self be proud of today?
This will train your brain to look for evidence of growth, no matter how small. And that’s not just a mindset shift, it’s a rewiring process. When you consciously notice even the tiniest signs of progress, pausing before a pour, waking up clear-headed, saying “no thanks” at dinner, your brain starts to recalibrate what success looks like. You're not relying on big, dramatic milestones to feel “on track.” You’re building a habit of seeing yourself as someone who is changing.
This is powerful, because your brain loves to be right. If you keep telling yourself, “I’m stuck,” your brain will collect evidence to prove it. But when you shift to, “I’m learning,” “I’m shifting,” “I’m catching things sooner,” your brain gets on board with that, too.
2. Visual Timeline Tracking
One powerful way to interrupt the comparison spiral is to literally see how far you’ve come. Draw a horizontal line across a piece of paper or journal page and mark down key moments since you started exploring sobriety. Not just the “milestones” like Day 1 or 30 days alcohol-free, but the small, meaningful moments in-between.
Things like:
The first time you left a party early because your energy mattered more than appearances
The night you felt the urge and didn’t act on it
That morning you woke up clear and actually noticed how good it felt
The conversation you finally had with your partner about why this change matters to you
When you lay it out visually, you start to see what your brain often skips over: your growth isn’t invisible, it’s just been busy happening in real time. This timeline becomes a receipt of your resilience. It reminds you: even when it felt like nothing was happening, something was. You’ve been becoming the version of you who doesn’t need alcohol.
3. Celebrate Micro-Milestones
We’ve been trained to only throw confetti when we hit some magic number—30 days, 100 days, one year. And while those can be powerful markers, they’re not the only moments that matter. In fact, the smaller, more personal wins are what actually move the needle over time.
Micro-milestones might look like:
Noticing a trigger and choosing to breathe instead of react
Saying “I need space right now” instead of pouring a drink
Going to a social event and quietly owning your alcohol-free choice
Catching yourself in an old thought loop—and choosing a new thought
Realizing you felt peaceful… for no big reason at all
These moments are easy to overlook because they don’t always feel dramatic. But they’re massive. They show you’re building a new default setting. So start keeping track. Write them down. Say them out loud. Tell a trusted friend or your sobriety coach.
Looking for ways to celebrate? Here are a few of my favorites.
But why do I love mugs so much?! 🤣
You’re not just skipping drinks, you’re rebuilding your self-respect. You don’t have to wait until you hit someone else’s number to be proud. You’re creating something that lasts. And that requires patience, celebration, and a whole lot of self-compassion.
Other people’s timelines don’t determine your success.
Your commitment to keep showing up for yourself does. What you can’t see is the private doubt, the false starts, the slow becoming. Progress isn’t always visible. Sometimes it’s quieter thoughts. Less panic. A longer pause before a choice. Your job isn’t to match someone else's timeline. It’s to stay honest about your own.
Schedule Your Free Sobriety Strategy Session
If you’ve been feeling stuck in a comparison trap, overwhelmed by the lies we tell ourselves, I’d like you to schedule a totally free 30-minute strategy session with me. It’s a short conversation for us to explore where you are on your alcohol-free journey, what your goals are, and how working together may be a good fit to help you reach them. You can learn exactly how to quit drinking.
Disclosures: This post may contain affiliate links, meaning I get a commission if you decide to make a purchase through my links, at no cost to you. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
And remember, Lindsay is a sober coach, not a health professional. If you are chemically dependent on alcohol, consult your doctor on the steps you need to take to safely detox.
