Ep. 1 - How to Feel Good Alcohol-Free

Ep. 1: How I Quit Drinking for Good: My Sobriety Story and the 4 Pillars of Feel Good AF

Hi, it's me, Lindsay. Welcome to Feel Good Alcohol Free, where each week we'll explore how to feel so effing good in your life, you won't even think about ruining it with a hangover.

Welcome to Feel Good Alcohol Free: A Podcast for Sober and Sober Curious Women

Welcome to the first episode of Feel Good Alcohol Free. I'm Lindsay Hennekey, sober coach and founder of Feel Good AF. Thank you for being here. This is a podcast for women who are sober or sober curious and are looking for support and navigating a life without alcohol. Now you may be thinking, what does that even look like for me? How do I live a life without drinking that doesn't feel like I'm missing something?

How do I keep a consistent practice of sobriety? And how do I get to that next level of living where I'm so happy, so peaceful, so present and content that I don't even think about alcohol anymore? This is the podcast for you. And let me tell you, I am so excited that you are here.

You are a hardworking, high achieving, successful woman in so many areas of your life who deserves to find a solution to the issue that has been holding too tight of a grip, that's alcohol. And it's possible. The solution exists. Here's the thing. I know firsthand how hard it can be to imagine a life without alcohol. I had a really hard time letting it go.

Why I Couldn't Moderate My Drinking

I spent years trying to moderate, trying to be a normal drinker, convincing myself that I could somehow crack the code to drinking just the right amount. Holding on to that belief kept me stuck for way too long. Before I go a little more into my story, I want to share why I got into this work. It's because I know that women can quit drinking and I have a way of being able to help women see the truth of who they really are and pull out their strengths and insights and give them clarity that they need to grow into their next level. It's a gift. Well, not really. I spent a whole career learning these skills and now I've settled into my purpose to use them. Okay, back to the meat and potatoes here.

Looking back, the frustrating part was that I had so many breaks from alcohol where I would say, I feel great. And rather than accept the fact that the reason why I was feeling great was the absence of alcohol, instead I would convince myself that it would be different now. And I'd just like only drink socially or I'd have a glass of wine occasionally with dinner. It never lasted. It was only a matter of days before I would be right back to drinking every day again, because that's alcohol. And that was me paired with alcohol. It's an addictive substance that would creep back in no matter how much I tried to find the right balance. And that's why I'm here now with this podcast, with my social media, to help women learn what it is that took me years to understand.

You don't have to drink. We don't have to drink. You can leave alcohol behind and you can move forward into a beautiful, confident, peaceful life where you feel good AF. I know it sounds like I'm oversimplifying it, but I want to make sure the message is clear. You can learn this and you can grow and you can change. You don't have to drink. I'm proof of this.

My Story: A High-Functioning Everyday Wine Drinker

So I was an everyday drinker for more than a decade, well over a decade. Mostly I loved wine, but I also enjoyed a craft IPA as well. From the outside looking in, people saw that I had a great job, a loving marriage, I was eating healthy, and I exercised. I gave off this appearance that I had everything under control. And now their observations weren't wrong. I had a great job. I have a dream marriage and all of those things. That was all true. But I did not have everything under control. They didn't see the me that was suffering silently on the inside, the me that hadn't gotten a big promotion in a while. You know, my last two raises were just okay, but nothing that was screaming, you're amazing at work. My marriage was good, but I was isolating a lot. I was choosing to curl up on the couch with a bottle of Malbec instead of spending time with my husband. I remember my husband saying to me once, you know, if friends ask us to do something on a Friday night, I know it's going to be a no. You have to have your downtime. And this sort of hurt. Like, when did a bottle or two of Malbec and episodes of Beat Bobby Flay become more important than socializing with my husband? But this wasn't just about Friday nights. And I'm guessing it isn't for you either.

The Daily Cycle of Guilt, Shame and Drinking Wine

This was a daily habit that had chipped away at my ambition and my drive. I was stuck in a never-ending cycle of telling myself I won't drink today as I was riddled with guilt and shame from drinking too much the night before. But then by midday, I would be fantasizing about drinking and almost automatically I would find myself back on the couch with a bottle of wine in time for the 5 o'clock news.

How I Got Serious About Quitting Drinking

Now, I was 39 when I got serious about quitting drinking. It was Thanksgiving weekend of 2018 when I picked up my first quit lit book, A Happier Hour by Rebecca Weller. That book cracked open something in me. It was the first time I started to actually believe that quitting drinking might be possible.

I'll go ahead and link it in the show notes in case you're interested in reading it too. At the time, I had a coworker who was my like complain about drinking buddy, you know, the one, the person you went to at work about how you had one too many glasses of wine last night. So she actually brought it up that we should read this book. And at first I completely poo pooed the whole thing. I remember actually sitting in her office, literally laughing out loud saying, I don't think that book is for me. I ended up agreeing to it. And that weekend we read Rebecca's book and decided to take a 30 day break from drinking. So my break lasted about 28 days, because then came my 40th birthday on Christmas Eve and I totally blew it. I went right back to drinking and slid into self-pity for a while.

Why Quitting Drinking Isn't a Straight Path

Like this journey was not a straight path for me. And that is so important for you to know. People ask me all the time, how did you just quit? And the truth is I didn't just wake up one day and stop drinking. It took time. It took failing over and over again. It took deep self discovery, but something had shifted. Even though I went back to drinking, I couldn't let go of what I had learned.

The idea that I could live a life without alcohol had taken root and eventually I found my way back to it. And this is where that deep inner work began. So it took me 20 months from when I got serious to when I finally got to that last day one. And in those 20 months, I had to learn how to navigate social events, stress, and even boredom without reaching for a drink. It wasn't about willpower, it was about creating a life that I didn't want to escape from any longer.

The Turning Point: My Last Day One

So there were two things that happened almost simultaneously that forced me to make a change. First, I got to the point where I had a hostile uterus, I had to have a hysterectomy. I was deeply concerned that there would be complications with the anesthesia due to my drinking. I mean, obviously I had been lying to my doctor for years about how much I drank. Always checking the one to four drinks per week box. Maybe you do the same thing. So as soon as I had my date for my surgery, I made a commitment to stop drinking two weeks in advance.

The second thing that happened was during this time, I also landed my dream job and I quickly realized I could not function on the level that I wanted to. There was no way I was going to keep up or excel in this new role if I kept up my daily drinking habit.

My First Six Months Sober (and Non-Alcoholic Drinks)

So my surgery was two months after I started my new dream job. I never drank again. The first six months, I always say I got off easy. It was the pandemic, so I was mostly able to live in a bubble of just my husband and I with occasional socializing. But even then, it was just with a few sets of close friends. Thank goodness for non-alcoholic IPAs.

I'm looking forward to doing an episode on the rise of high quality NA drinks in the future, keep an eye out for that. And in the meanwhile, if you are looking for some zero proof drinks to get you started, I've linked some of my favorites in the show notes.

The 4 Pillars for Quitting Drinking and Staying Alcohol-Free

Okay, so let's get into it. This podcast isn't just about quitting drinking. It's about stepping into the life you actually want. Because here's the truth. Most women have lost themselves in this process. They've lost confidence. They've lost trust in themselves. They've lost the ability to see their own strength. And I want to help you get all of that back. And to start, I'm going to share how I'll do that.

Here's how I approach this work. There are four major pillars that guide you through my program. I'll provide you with an overview of each. Over the course of the 13 weeks, you learn the tools to build these skills, to incorporate these pillars into your life. So let's dive right in.

Pillar 1: Boundary Setting

The first one is boundary setting, learning how to say no and not just to alcohol, but to anything that doesn't serve the life you're trying to create. Now this takes practice. Many of us have spent years people pleasing, saying yes when we mean no. So when we start setting boundaries, it feels uncomfortable. But every time you honor a boundary, you strengthen your inner trust.

Pillar 2: Balancing Your Needs

So the second one is balancing your needs. Okay. So many women put themselves last. They take care of everyone else and leave themselves drained, which makes alcohol even more appealing as an escape. We unpack that. We figure out what you need emotionally, physically, and mentally, and we create space for those needs to be met in ways that truly serve you.

Pillar 3: Resentment Work

Okay, the next one is resentment work. Resentment builds when we overextend ourselves, when we feel unappreciated or when we suppress what we really feel. Alcohol often becomes that pressure valve. But when you learn to process resentment in a healthy way, you no longer need alcohol to take the edge off.

Pillar 4: Tackling Limiting Beliefs

All right. The last piece is tackling limiting beliefs. Most women who struggle with alcohol tell themselves a story. I can't do this. I'll always be a drinker. I don't have enough willpower. These beliefs keep you stuck, but beliefs are just thoughts that you've been practicing for years. And just like you learned those beliefs, you can unlearn them. We work on replacing those limiting thoughts with ones that support your success.

How Resentment Fuels Drinking: A Story From My Corporate Days

A personal example of this comes from my corporate days. Have you ever had that one coworker who just refuses to get on board with your ideas? Okay. I was rolling out a new program and my executive team and nearly all the managers were on board except for one. This particular manager wouldn't even acknowledge me. He would actually literally shut his office door when I arrived, even when we had scheduled meetings.

I was so incredibly frustrated. I felt like he was personally disrespecting me, undermining my efforts, and making my job impossible. And instead of handling it in a way that served me, I did what so many of us do. I let resentment take over. I'd storm off to a nearby restaurant, have a glass of wine in the middle of my workday, and fume about how he was actively working against me.

I ruminated over it constantly. I complained to my husband about him every single night. I let my frustration build and build. And of course I blamed him for my drinking. But the truth, he wasn't even thinking about me. He was living his life. Going home at the end of the day while I was stuck in a cycle of frustration, resentment, and self-sabotage.

What I'd Do Differently: Applying the 4 Pillars

Looking back, I see exactly where I went wrong. I didn't set a boundary. Instead of continuing to chase approval from someone who clearly wasn't open to my ideas, I could have set clear expectations for engagement. Instead, I kept forcing the issue and taking his resistance personally. I wasn't balancing my own needs. I was so consumed by frustration that I didn't pause to consider what I needed to clear my mind and approach the situation differently. Instead, I let my emotions lead me straight to the easiest escape, alcohol.

I let resentment fester. I assumed he was against me instead of taking the time to understand his perspective. My resentment didn't change his behavior. It only hurt me. And worse, it started to affect my leadership team's confidence and my ability to roll this program out effectively. I was stuck in a limiting belief. I told myself he's blocking my success. I can't make this work unless he gets on board. But none of that was true. My success was not dependent on one person's reaction. It was dependent on how I handled the situation. This is exactly the kind of cycle I help women break. Because when we let resentment, blame, and negative thought loops run the show, we keep ourselves stuck.

And we use alcohol to numb the feelings that we don't know how to process. But when we start setting boundaries, balancing our needs and questioning the stories that we tell ourselves, we take our power back. We stop spinning and we start moving forward.

Building Inner Integrity: Why Repetition Rewires Your Brain

Through this process, you build inner integrity, keeping promises to yourself, big and small. And here's the thing. At first, it feels awkward, unnatural, you will likely doubt yourself, you might slip, but repetition is everything. The more you practice setting boundaries and balancing your needs and addressing the resentment and shifting your mindset, the more natural it becomes. Over time, your brain is going to stop serving up the suggestion to drink when things get hard, because you've rewired it. You will hear me say over and over again, life is about being comfortable being uncomfortable. Now, let me say that again. Life is about being comfortable being uncomfortable. It's literally the secret to having everything you want.

Why You Don't Have to Quit Drinking Alone

Doing this alone is tough. Most of us try to quit drinking in secret, because we don't want anyone to know that we're struggling. But the truth is, trying to navigate this journey alone makes it harder. Having support, having a roadmap, having someone who's been there, that makes all the difference. And that's exactly why I'm here talking with you today.

Your First Steps Toward Feeling Good Alcohol Free

I know it can feel overwhelming to get started, but don't worry. I'm really good about giving out next steps and action points that you can take right away. So if anything in this episode resonated with you, if you want to take the first steps towards feeling good AF, I want you to do two things right now. First, I want you to follow this podcast. This is just the beginning and I promise you we're going to cover everything you need to start making real change in your life. The second is head over to my website and grab my free guide. It's designed to help you take the first steps towards feeling good, alcohol free. You don't have to figure this out alone. And I see you, I believe in you. And I promise you are so much stronger than you think.

What Does the AF in Feel Good AF Stand For?

One more thing before we end today. When I named my program Feel Good AF, I started receiving DMs and notes from women asking me if the AF in fact stood for alcohol free or the more cheeky alternative. My answer is, I will let you decide.

If this podcast episode hit home for you, don't just let it sit. Take action. Like book a free call with me or head over to my website at lindsayhennekey.com to get started. The version of you who feels free, confident, and completely unfazed by alcohol, she's already in you. It's time to make space for her. Okay, that's it for this episode. I will see you next time.