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Am I Boring When I'm Sober?
- Lindsay Hennekey
- Apr 23
- 6 min read
I spent years holding on to the belief that alcohol was what made my friends like me - and boy was I wrong.
Let this be a PSA for anyone reading this: Sobriety does not make you boring, and alcohol was never what made you interesting - even though it may have felt like it sometimes.
I finish up work around 5 or 6 pm every night. I shut my laptop, drive home from my co-working space, and change into my comfy clothes. I take my dog Remmy out for his evening walk, my husband and I make dinner while watching a bit of the evening news, and sit down for a fresh, healthy, lovingly-prepared meal. Afterwards, depending on what show(s) we are currently watching, we either sit together on the couch or divide and conquer in separate rooms. We watch some tv (my current favorites include Love Is Blind and Age of Attraction), have a little dessert, and then around 8:30 or so I start my skincare routine. My phone is put away, I'm in my pajamas and in bed a little at 8:45, I read a book until about 9:15 , shut off the lights, and fall asleep.
Note: of course, depending on the season and what we've got on the calendar, there is some variety here, but this is pretty much how most of my nights look like these days.
The idea of this, before I quit drinking in August of 2020, would have made me laugh. I would not have been able to imagine the simplicity in this routine. Dinner without a glass of wine? Reading a book before bed? I would have labeled it as boring. Mundane. And I would be lying if I didn't tell you that I did actually feel that way for a while when I first built out this evening routine. For so many years, many of my nights (weeknights included) were spent spontaneously meeting friends or co-workers at the bar out for drinks to "celebrate" whatever it is we felt like celebrating.
I'd miss dinner plans with my husband, rack up Uber charges left and right, if I was on top of my shit, then maybe I'd splash a bit of water on my face before climbing in to bed, where I'd scroll on my phone and order random things I "needed" on amazon - only to fall asleep dizzy and dehydrated. The 3:00 AM wake-up calls, the missed morning runs with friends, the drive-through breakfast at McDonald's. This was my reality.
It was hard for me to think about a quiet, simple, alcohol-free routine. I felt so deeply that even though I was feeling the negative consequences of daily alcohol use, that swapping out Wine-Down Wednesdays for curling up on the couch with a tea and freshly baked cookie was like some sort of strange punishment. That I was going to lose my edge, my sparkle, the ease I was able to feel in social situations, the ability to relax, to connect, to fit in with others. I had this image in my mind of the polished, hardworking woman who had it all together - and of course she always had a glass of Cabernet in hand!
When The Glass No Longer Has Alcohol In It
If you believe that alcohol makes you more fun, witty, more magnetic, more relaxed, I want you to consider that what it's actually doing is lowering your inhibition. And lowered inhibition is not the same as feeling confident or comfortable in your own skin. Real confidence is being able to walk into a room and trust yourself. It's about knowing that you belong there.
When I was still drinking, I would convince myself that the dirty martini made me more social, more relaxed. But looking back, it wasn't what was in the glass that earned me a place in the room. It was my intelligence, my kindness, my drive, my enthusiasm, my presence. And that was all numbed after that first sip.
What was in the glass is what caused me to say something embarrassing, make other people uncomfortable, dominate a conversation - leaving no room for others to speak up. But in the moment I was sure that it made me stand out. I felt better about myself after a few glasses of whatever was on tap. But the next morning, when I thought about the night before, I knew the impression I was giving off wasn't quite as positive as I'd hoped. I was less present. I didn't listen well. I was definitely less clear with my words and ideas.
But the fear of somehow failing at this thing made me unwilling to accept the idea that alcohol was not actually the thing that made me interesting.
Behavior Change May Feel Awkward For A Bit
If you ask anyone who has gotten sober, they will likely tell you that yes, for a little while things did feel awkward and maybe even a bit boring. And that's okay. The good news is, it doesn't have to stay that way.
There's usually this season where things feel really awkward. Again, this isn't because you are boring or losing your edge or are any less interesting. It's because you are learning how to be in the room without the "social lubricant". You are busy building the version of you who feels confident in those moments without alcohol. You are changing your behaviors - unlearning some and learning others.
It becomes repetitive because that's how healthy habits are built. Some people call that mundane, and that's fine. Sticking to the same wake up time each morning, stretching your body every evening after work - these things may feel trivial, but it's these "boring" little basic habits and rituals that you're building to set you up for that confidence that you want.
You're relearning how to go out to dinner, work dinners or work events. You're relearning going out with your girlfriends, you're relearning date night and networking events. You can feel really awkward, that's expected. But if you allow yourself to move through this discomfort, you are going to find just how proud of yourself you'll feel each time.
Day after day, habit after habit, you are changing the belief that alcohol is what makes you interesting. It is not.
Proof That Being Sober Does Not Make Me Boring
Sometimes we get stuck thinking about what we lose or stop doing when we quit drinking alcohol. But I like to flip that perspective and think about all the things I've gained. And being boring is not one of them. Here are ten things that I gained, got back, or created when I got sober.
The return of my ambition and drive.
Keeping my promises to myself and others.
Listening actively, creating space for other's to feel comfortable to speak up.
Trusting myself - I've developed real confidence, not just lowered inhibitions.
Having the most fun with my friends AND wake up feeling my best.
Relaxing evenings with my husband with a delicious meal.
Early mornings, feeling good in my body and mind.
Building a new business, new relationships, and a community of incredible women.
Mornings full of gratitude, journaling over a cup of coffee.
Uncovering new passions - like personal color analysis and style!
Alcohol Is Not A Part of Your Personality
When drinking has become your reward, your social lubricant, and/or the way that you relax at the end of the day - it can start to feel like it's how you feel like "yourself". But the reality is, it just means that your brain has learned a pattern. The good news is that patterns can be broken and rebuilt. You can learn how to stop feeling like alcohol is a part of what makes you, you. Yes, you are going to have to do the "boring" basics to break the pattern and to form the new ones, but you are going to become the version of you that you've been waiting for.
