3 Things To Help You Quit Drinking Without AA

Words of Advice From A Woman Who Has Been There, Done That.

I want to point out that my answers below are not directed to people who are chemically dependent on alcohol. If you think this might be you, I encourage you to talk with your doctor about how to detox safely. I am not a trained medical professional.

It's Okay To Quit Drinking Without AA

Look, I am not trying to start a fight with anyone on the internet. I know that AA has been a life saving program for so many people around the world. I am not here to bash the methods or say that it is or isn't effective in helping people who are struggling with alcohol.

But what I am here to say is that AA isn't the only way to quit drinking. And if AA doesn't resonate with you, it doesn't mean you are stuck in the cycle of drinking, or that you are somehow incapable of quitting drinking. There are alternative ways to get sober, and, as is the objective with my work inside Feel Good AF, there are ways to support yourself in creating a life that feels so good, you won't even think about alcohol anymore.

I joke with my clients that if it wasn't for my chosen profession, that I wouldn't be thinking about alcohol anymore - let alone writing or podcasting about it. The version of me, the Lindsay who drank, would find this so hard to believe, and maybe you find it so hard to believe for yourself right now. But if you've tried AA and for whatever reason it wasn't the right fit for you, and you've been googling "how to quit drinking without AA" or some other combination of words like "program for quitting drinking as a woman not and alcoholic" - I want you to understand that there's a path forward for you, too.

3 Honest Answers To The Question "How To Quit Drinking Without AA"

1. Find a Path That Aligns With Your Vision of Future You

We are all unique. We have our own goals, experiences, and outlooks on life. With this variety and diversity, how can we expect one way to be the right fit for everyone? Well turns out, we can't. Which is why it's a good thing that many different methods to quit drinking do actually exist. It just takes a little bit of time, trial-and-error, and some research to find the right fit for you.

We are each living in the present as one version of ourselves, and it's very likely if you're looking to make this change, that there is a certain future version of you, that you are looking to get to. Now it's about finding the path that will help you reach her. Note: I invite you to watch this visioning exercise if you haven't done this sort of work before.

One of those paths is working with an accredited sober coach, like me. The Sober Club, defines a sober coach as someone who "provides practical tools and support for individuals exploring a life without alcohol. This role is not the same as addiction counseling; sober coaches work with people who are functioning well, but realize that alcohol no longer serves them. The focus is on well-being and personal growth, underpinned by sobriety."

Now even within the sober coaching space, there are so many different areas of expertise, methodologies, and modes. I have friends, colleagues, and acquaintances within the sober coaching world and I have yet to find two that are exactly alike. Are you spiritual? There's a sober coach for you. Are you an athlete? There's a sober coach for you. Are you an entrepreneur? There's a sober coach for you. The best thing about that is, you can find someone who you really connect with.

I'm certainly not the coach for everyone. It would be silly to suggest that I would be. But my area of expertise is working with high-achieving, successful, career-oriented women who are doing so well at not only managing, but excelling, at all the other parts of their life - besides this. They are women who are willing to put in the time and effort to do this work, they've just been looking for the right way - and the right person - to support them. They appreciate my ability to create a supportive environment to get vulnerable in, but that I also provide them with structure, implementable tools, and accountability that complements how they find success in the rest of their lives. I offer private 1:1 coaching and my best-selling 13-week group coaching program. Imagine a (virtual) room of the most impressive women all showing up, leaning in, and ready to support one another on this journey. The results are effing inspiring.

I'm honored to work with the women who hire me. If this sounds like you, I encourage you to schedule a completely free, no strings attached, discovery call. And if it doesn't, that's okay, too. I invite you to send me an email or dm, and I'd be happy to make some recommendations based on your needs to some other coaches I know.

1. Take What Works And Leave What Doesn't

Like this saying, which in fact, is commonly used in AA circles. See, I'm really not a hater! Our knowledge is a culmination of our life experiences. Maybe you've gone to an AA meeting or two, have tried hypnosis or life coaching, and/or have joined sober group challenges. Just because it didn't work for you, it doesn't mean there aren't learnings to take with you along the way. I'm willing to bet you even have some little nuggets of wisdom from that one webinar you definitely overpaid for.

It's likely that as you begin this journey you are going to be stocking up on quit lit, podcasts, and following a bunch of sober people on social media. I did it and it was so crucial to building my own foundation in sobriety. But trust me when I say you aren't going to connect with all of it. I've certainly gone ahead and unfollowed accounts after a while or put quit lit books in the donation pile for someone else to find and maybe connect with. Take what works, and leave what doesn't. If AA wasn't for you, but you connected with someone you met and you like to meet up for coffee dates - isn't that incredible?

It's why I never expect two women that I work with to need the exact same things from me. I tailor my program in a way that we set you up for success for you as an individual, regardless of whether you are in private or group coaching. Client A's goals are different from Client B's goals, now throw in all of the context and experience into the mix, and you are going to need two different pathways to success.

For instance, some women absolutely love a journal prompt. while some women can't stand the thought of sitting down and writing. And while there are reasons why it is beneficial to actually write out your thoughts, inside Feel Good AF, we adapt. I'm not going to force anyone to buy a journal and pen, when they can talk out their thoughts as a voice memo on their phone. It's my job to share with you tools, insight, and support - and it's up to you to see what works for you and what doesn't.

By the way, I've put a list of my favorite quit lit titles together, here.

3. Understand That Your Goals Can Go Beyond Quitting Drinking

One of the things I struggled with inside AA - and what I hear from many of the women that I work with, is that it felt restrictive instead of empowering. It felt like a sort of time capsule; that I was going to be sitting in churches or community centers for the rest of my life. And to be frank, I wasn't interested in managing alcohol forever. Yes, I wanted to quit drinking, but the goal I wanted to focus on was actually something different. I wanted to create a life where I felt good and confident without alcohol. And then I wanted to move on.

And that required a different approach, one that is built around self-trust, identity change, and creating a life where you feel good and confident without alcohol. When the goal was simply to not drink, I found myself relying heavily on willpower. I knew that I could white knuckle for days, weeks, if not months, through breaks of not drinking. But eventually I would have a slip, and sometimes a slide. When I changed this, I started to see progress.

And this is why I always say, ditching alcohol is about 10% of the work. The other 90% is emotional sobriety. What does that mean exactly? Well, I like this definition of emotional sobriety from Ingrid Clayton, PhD, published by Psychology Today, which boils it down to "the general ability to feel one's feelings." That's exactly it. The general ability to feel my feelings. It turns out, I wanted to have this level of emotional sobriety, and the things that came along with it (boundaries, self-trust, etc.). It helped me reframe my "why" behind this hard work I was doing every single day.

Okay, so here's a journal prompt for you. (I love giving out a small action or challenge in my Sunday emails and weekly podcast episodes). Give yourself a few minutes and write down what it is that you want when you look one step beyond the goal of not drinking anymore. What is your goal?

There Are Many Paths To Living An Alcohol-Free Life

I hope something in this blog has struck a chord and maybe even sparked something within you.

And if you've been up late, desperately googling "how to quit drinking without AA", hoping to find a way toward sobriety that feels good to you, I'm here to tell you that you don't need to go to Alcoholic Anonymous to quit drinking. I just really, really, want you to know that you are not the only person who doesn't feel like they don't fit in there. You can find the support and accountability you need in so many different methods, formats, and spaces. And as always, I'm rooting you on.

Hi, I'm Lindsay, I'm more than five and a half years sober, and I'm not an alcoholic.