I Felt It In My Gut: This Shocking Realization Helped Me Get Sober Almost Six Years Ago

My life wasn't falling apart. I hadn't lost my job, or felt any of the usual societal repercussions that signal to the world that I might have a problem with alcohol. No, for all intents and purposes, I was doing just fine. Solid career, dream relationship, loving community - check, check, check. Yet I clearly wasn't feeling great about my relationship with alcohol, as I spent years quietly questioning the role alcohol played in my life, attempting breaks from alcohol to reach my "health goals", and desperately trying to moderate my alcohol consumption. All of which only left me disappointed in my inability to be what the world was calling a "normal drinker".

The Shocking Realization

But then something happened. It was slow and subtle at first, but accelerated over time into a shocking realization that completely changed my relationship with alcohol and my life, forever. I felt it in my gut:

This doesn't feel right anymore.

Up until this point I wasn't willing to admit it, but I had officially outgrown alcohol. And once you feel that shift inside of you, you can't un-feel it. Once I knew that alcohol no longer had a place in my life, I couldn't un-know it. It's like you can't un-know that it's the alcohol that's giving you a bad night's sleep. Or that you can't un-know that alcohol is negatively impacting your health. And you can't un-know that it's the alcohol that is leaving you to operate at 40% or 50% at your job.

But it was this shift on an identity-level, knowing that it was the alcohol that was preventing me from living the life I wanted to be living, that changed things drastically. I became acutely aware that if I was going to keep drinking alcohol, I was not going to be able to be the version of myself I wanted to be. I was not going to be able to live my life in alignment - and I wasn't okay with that anymore.

It Is Normal To Outgrow Alcohol And To Grieve Past You

One of the most disorienting experiences in adulthood is realizing that you're no longer the version of yourself that you once were. But at some point the reality was, that the 30-something version of Lindsay wasn't able to keep up with the habits of the 20-something version of Lindsay. And that's okay. In fact, it's normal. There are a lot of things we do in our 20s that we leave behind at some point. And the parts of alcohol that I had enjoyed when I was younger were not working for me anymore. So yes, it was disorienting - and no, that's not always a bad thing.

Outgrowing alcohol isn't about feeling deprived. It's about redefining your relationship with yourself. It's about saying, you know what? I don't want this to take up as much space as it has been. Think of it as the natural result of you becoming more honest with yourself. You're opening up to yourself. You are allowed to evolve beyond things that once were useful for you. We outgrow things all the time and it's good for us.

I mean, except for my favorite bands from high school. I still love them. 😬

There was a period of time where I missed "drinking Lindsay". I was grieving a layer of my identity that was very prominent in my life, and even though I don't miss the version of myself who drank anymore, I do still love her. She got me to where I am, she helped me accomplish a lot in my life, but eventually she stopped serving me and I had to let her go.

Right now you might feel like you're losing a carefree version of yourself, like you're losing some sort of social scene that you really valued, a ritual that you had, or a familiar sense of belonging. And at the same time, you can also feel this deep clarity around knowing that you need to do something about your relationship with alcohol.

To grieve a past version of yourself doesn't mean that you are making the wrong decision. It doesn't mean that you should continue keeping this identity layer in your life. It often means that you're honoring a chapter of your life that really mattered. This is something we work on extensively inside Feel Good AF, redefining a reward system when alcohol is no longer in the picture, and it takes time.

The realization that I experienced of "This doesn't feel right anymore" happens similarly for many women when the question they are asking themselves of "Is my relationship with alcohol bad enough to stop drinking" turns into the question "Does alcohol deserve even an ounce of my attention?" This is the moment you understand that your health matters more than the temporary escape, peaceful mornings matter more than the temporary relief, and emotional presence matters more than checking out from your problems and the feelings that you don't want to hold anymore.

From Awareness To Action

But of course this newfound understanding that alcohol was no longer serving me wasn't the end of the journey. It didn't make all of my worries, fears, and struggles go away. But what it was, was movement towards my goal. It was a huge step forward recognizing that when I drank, my life wasn't aligning with how I wanted my life to be.

This shift, or reframing, meant that the work I was doing to quit drinking wasn't just about something not working for me anymore, but that it was going to help support my identity - who I wanted to be. And that is powerful. It wasn't about hitting day count goals, or other extrinsic motivators, it was about living in alignment with my values, which social psychology refers to as intrinsic motivation.

This is when you make changes in your life based on what is important to you. Sure, fear can spark change. But your identity and who you want to be, that's what's going to sustain change. It's when you ask yourself: What am I doing this for? Who do I want to be? What's important to me? And then start making decisions that align with those things. One small action at a time.

The Decision of Readiness

High-functioning women are exceptionally good at tolerating misalignment. Sound familiar? Which is why we delay this decision - our life still works. There's no external consequences. Everybody else is drinking and the discomfort is subtle. But the longer your life looks successful, the easier it is to ignore what your like inner voice is really asking for.

Just be aware that uncertainty is what keeps us wanting to go back to the comfort zone. It's what keeps us out of readiness. We tell ourselves, I'm not ready. I'm not ready to do this. And it's just because there's all of this uncertainty floating around in there. Readiness is a decision. You're never going to just feel ready. You have to decide I'm ready for this, regardless of any uncertainty that's in the way.

Research shows that identity evolves through stages. Periods of tension are going to precede that psychological growth. So it's going to feel uncomfortable before it feels good. Right before you're about to expand or enter a big phase of growth, it is incredibly normal to feel a pit in your stomach or a voice in your head that's like, no, no, no, no, wait till next week. That is really normal. Your life is asking you to update your self concept.

The Bottom Line

Awareness alone is movement forward. It's awareness that helps the subconscious catch up with the conscious. I want you to think about really reframing how you believe alcohol not being in your life looks like. Because if you are telling yourself that you're giving it up or you're going to be missing out, then you are going to keep believing that. And you have to change your thoughts.

The bottom line is if you don't feel your best, your thoughts and beliefs, followed by actions, need to start aligning with the version of you who wakes up every day and feels proud of herself and feels her best. This is how I changed my alcohol-free journey and my relationship with alcohol. That inner alignment is going to be a small series of self-honoring decisions.

You are going to feel so good once you start keeping the promises to yourself.

Alignment Audit: What You Need To Do To Start Living Your Dream Life

The following questions are part of Ep. 49 of Feel Good Alcohol-Free. They are self-reflection prompts to guide you through what I call an Alignment Audit. This is an exercise to bring awareness to yourself and help you challenge your beliefs. Because awareness is movement forward.

1. Where in my life am I still operating from an outdated version of myself?

2. What habits feel more inherited than intentionally chosen?

3. If I trusted my next level fully, what might I be ready to release?

Take action today towards you alcohol-free goals by scheduling a free 30-minute discovery call.

During our call we'll cover:

• Your goals around alcohol

• What you've done so far to try and quit

• The details of my approach

• What our work together will look like and we'll determine if it's a good fit.

Disclosure: This post may contain affiliate links. If you purchase through these links, I may earn a commission at no additional cost to you.

And remember, Lindsay is a sober coach, not a health professional. If you are chemically dependent on alcohol, consult your doctor on the steps you need to take to safely detox.